Repressed Desires

Following my wife’s post yesterday, I have been reflecting on my whole reaction to the situation and how I am feeling.  To be honest I could not be feeling better right now life is good in many respects.  However, the feeling the other morning was one of jealousy but later on arousal.  So last night and this morning I have been trying to reconcile my feelings, to give her an insight into my inner self.  The biggest issue is why would I become aroused after feeling so jealous? 

I find listening about and watching my wife interact  with other men and women is very exciting and thrilling, but the powerful emotions of jealousy and envy can and do sometimes erupt without warning.  The recent event was one of these, and previously two events stand out (1) when she web cam’d for a friend (2) she went to a female friends house to fuck her on cam for me to watch.  To date I have dealt with the situation by firstly acknowledging the jealousy.  I remember back to the first time I encouraged her to show on webcam.  I have no idea if she realised but I had a big problem with it, even though I desperately wanted to see it and experience it.  To the point on a few occasions, even though I was in another room watching her myself, I had to hide the window on my screen whilst she carried on as I could not stand to watch as I was shaking with nerves and feeling sick even though I know it was safe and controlled.  At any point the plug could be pulled, an account deleted and back to civilisation we would go.  However knowing the situation is ultimately controlled, and having explicit trust in my wife I was able to deal with the jealousy by transferring the feelings into something positive and pleasurable.  I know she has taken enjoyment from it, because after these events the sex was amazing, and that makes me feel good, it has served over time to build her self confidence and esteem and she is blossoming, which fills me with immense pride and the only reason why I get so jealous is because I have come to realise how much I really do love my wife.

The current situation with Mr ‘X’ is a little more intense than in the past, as he is now wanting to “get to know” her as well as it just being about the sex.  Knowing this in the back of my mind is maybe why my initial reaction was so intense.  The jealousy subsided but remerged later on when my wife told me Mr ‘X’ had sent her video of himself again, but this time she did not offer to share it and show me.  However, I did have a wank thinking about how aroused it would have made her feel watching it and wondering how she may retort.

The final part of all this is an acceptance.  I have now left her in control of the situation because at the end of the day “this is what I wanted“.  I want her to have some freedom to have fun as I love her and I know that she loves me.  I trust her to keep me informed and to share her feelings with me to ensure we continue this journey of discovery together, for the right reasons and remain in control.  Finally, if she wants me to help, guide, take photogrpahs or video she only has to ask and I would be always at her side.

Sire
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